A: No one likes to share the love and lose the attention he receives from another. This is especially true for your 3-year-old son. Spend some "special time" with him during the pregnancy and after the birth and ask others who are important to him to do the same. This will be especially crucial as everyone makes a fuss over the new arrival. Remember to include your son in caring for the new baby. This is how a family begins to learn to care for its members. Before the baby is born, ask his opinions on things his baby sister might need or like. Let him help in the planning. Ask him about the kinds of things he and the baby will do together. Talk to him about his feelings and help him identify them or describe them. Does he feel angry, mad, jealous or scared? After the birth, let him help care for the baby. Let him feed her (under your careful eye), bring diapers, talk to the baby during changing, and help pick the clothes and toys. Explain how his sister looks up to her big brother to show her the way. You may have to explain more than once how babies attract people and remind him that he is still special. Be conscious when the baby is receiving all the attention and pay attention to him also. Give him time to adjust.

Q: My husband and I are expecting our second child in three months. We have a 4-year-old girl who will soon have a little brother. She has always been the center of our attention. However, I am concerned that she is about to face some serious competition. With all the attention focused on the new baby, I am concerned how she will handle her new brother. What can I do?

A: It is great that you are sensitive to the fact that this may not be an easy transition for your daughter. Some children often do get jealous of their newborn siblings because of the loss of attention. Since it is an area of concern now, you can do some things to make the change in your family smoother. * Get your daughter excited about being a "big sister". Explain what a responsibility this is in helping take care of her little brother. * Making her a part of the preparations for the new arrival is a good idea. You could involve her in everything from visits to the doctor to decorating the baby's room. * Keep her informed about your pregnancy process. Let her know the schedule and how things will be different when the baby comes. Perhaps even a visit to the maternity, nursery area of your hospital would be a good idea. * Talk to her a lot and listen to her. She may have lots of questions including how the baby got in there in the first place. You know your daughter best and will know what she needs to know and what she doesn't. There are many books available which explain the miracle of pregnancy and birth in terms a child can understand. Browse your local book store children's section. * Begin to look ahead to when the baby is born and comes home. She will want to touch, hold, feed, change and play with the baby. Allow her this contact with your help and instruction. * Explain that children at different ages need different things. Tell her how you did the same things for her that you do for her little brother, except you didn't have a good helper like her around back then. * Accept her less than positive feelings sometimes about the intrusion in her life. Don't be surprised if she comes up with some unusual and uncomplimentary names for her little brother. As long as she can be relaxed and confident that you still love her equally, she will be fine. Expect some regression, some incidents that require your attention, a need to be held more, as well as a need for repeated reassurance of your love. She will be more demanding and insistent. But you will see her become more grown up, too, more independent, once she is sure that there is room enough in the family for everybody.

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