Q: Our family dog was recently hit by a car and died suddenly. He was a beloved member of our family for almost 8 years. However, both our 11-year old son and 8-year old daughter deny any distress and insist they do not want to talk about Sneakers' death. My wife and I worry that they are bottling up their feelings.

A: You and your wife are correct. Children need to learn "healthy mourning." The loss of this family pet provides them with an important, valuable lesson that will later help them cope with the variety of losses that life will bring them. Children do not have much experience in expressing feelings such as sadness, grief, or sorrow. They may push you away when you ask them to describe their feelings. You can help by showing them how to grieve through your own feelings. Talking about your own feelings of sadness teaches your children the words they can use to express their own grief. Your sadness and tears are a powerful message that it is normal to mourn the loss of someone or something that we loved. Don't be surprised if your children express anger, guilt, or show some changes in their behavior. The nature of their beloved pet's death is a perplexing lesson about the precariousness of life. Discuss with them that sometimes bad things happen, things that are not fair or do not make sense. Have the children help plan a family ritual in honor of your pet. Put together a photo album or some other remembrance. Use this sad experience to equip your children for a healthy emotional life.

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